Raw, honest answers about autism and ADHD from people who actually live it. No sugar coating, no inspiration porn, just truth.
Autism is a different operating system, not a bug. It's a natural variation in how human brains can be wired, affecting how we process sensory input, communicate, and experience the world. We're not "broken" neurotypicals - we're running different firmware, with our own features and challenges. It affects everything from how we process sensory information to how we understand social cues and manage daily life.
ADHD is not just "difficulty focusing" - it's a fundamental difference in how our brains regulate attention, emotion, and executive function. We don't lack attention; we have trouble directing it where society expects. Sometimes we have too much focus (hyperfocus), sometimes too little, and rarely the "right" amount at the "right" time. It affects everything from time perception to emotional regulation to how we organize our lives.
Absolutely. In fact, it's incredibly common - around 50-70% of autistic people also have ADHD, and vice versa. They're not mutually exclusive; they're often intertwined. This combination can create unique challenges and strengths that differ from having either condition alone. Some researchers now believe there might be more overlap between these conditions than previously thought.
Because the system wasn't built for us. Diagnostic criteria were historically based on white, male children who struggled obviously. Many of us - especially women, POC, and gender-diverse people - learned to mask our traits early. We're often dismissed as "quirky," "dramatic," or "just anxious" until we burn out from the constant pressure to appear neurotypical. The cost of late diagnosis is years of internalized shame and missed support.
Where do we start? That autistic people don't feel empathy. That ADHD only affects hyperactive boys. That we can't have successful relationships or careers. That we're all math geniuses or can't make eye contact. That ADHD is just "laziness" or "lack of discipline." That autism needs to be "cured." These myths harm us by creating false expectations and barriers to understanding our real needs and strengths.
No. Full stop. Autism is not a disease, disorder, or defect - it's a neurotype. It's a fundamental part of who we are, how our brains are wired, and how we experience the world. You can't separate the autism from the person any more than you can separate the neurotypical from a neurotypical person. The idea that autism is a disease that needs to be "cured" has caused immense harm to our community.
Masking is the exhausting practice of hiding our natural traits to appear "normal." It's memorizing social scripts, forcing eye contact, suppressing stims, pushing through sensory pain, and constantly monitoring ourselves to match neurotypical expectations. While it might make others more comfortable, it's deeply damaging to us. Years of masking often lead to burnout, depression, and loss of identity. The cost of passing as "normal" is often our mental health.
Because people see the symptoms but miss the cause. ADHD isn't about inability - it's about inconsistent ability. We can focus intensely on some things while struggling with others that seem "simple." Our challenges with time management, organization, and follow-through are real, but they're not moral failings. They're the result of differences in our brain's executive function and reward systems. The "just try harder" advice ignores the neurobiological reality of ADHD.
RSD is the intense, overwhelming pain of perceived rejection or criticism that many ND people experience. It's not "being too sensitive" - it's a neurological response that feels like physical pain. Small criticisms can feel catastrophic. A friend's short reply can spiral into hours of anxiety. It's one of the most debilitating aspects of ADHD/autism that rarely gets discussed, yet it impacts our relationships, career choices, and daily decisions profoundly.
Growing up neurodivergent in a neurotypical world is inherently traumatic. We're constantly told we're too much or not enough. Our natural ways of being are pathologized. We experience higher rates of bullying, abuse, and social rejection. This trauma often becomes so intertwined with our ND traits that it's hard to separate them. Healing requires both addressing the trauma and embracing our authentic ND selves.
"High functioning" and "low functioning" are oversimplified labels that do real damage. They either dismiss our struggles ("you're too high functioning to need support") or dismiss our capabilities ("they're too low functioning to try that"). Our abilities can vary wildly depending on context, energy levels, and support. These labels serve the neurotypical need to categorize us more than they serve our needs for appropriate support.
Not only do we have empathy - many of us have too much. We often experience intense empathy that can be overwhelming. The myth that autistic people lack empathy comes from confusing our different ways of showing empathy with a lack of it. We might not show empathy in expected ways, but we feel it deeply. Many of us are highly attuned to others' emotions, sometimes to the point of emotional overload.
Real support means accepting us as we are, not as you wish we were. It means making environments more sensory-friendly. It means understanding that we might need different accommodations on different days. It means not forcing eye contact or social performance. It means giving clear, direct communication without hidden meanings. It means respecting our need for routine while supporting our ability to be flexible. Most importantly, it means listening to us about what we need, not assuming you know better.
This FAQ is written from lived experience and aims to provide real, unfiltered perspectives. Every neurodivergent person's experience is unique - these answers reflect common experiences but may not represent everyone's reality.
